Yes Ma’am, Manners Do Matter

Some time ago I wrote this for a class and it is not the kind of stuff usally write, but I it made me laugh when I read it again.

Yes Ma’am, Manners Do Matter

            I was sitting with my wife in a nice restaurant some time back. I consider a restaurant that uses cloth napkins a nice place. We were enjoying each-other’s company and a nice meal. The meal was ruined by the loud “honking” of grown man blowing his nose in one of those cloth napkins. My thoughts suddenly turned away from the nice meal and wonderful conversation. The conversation turned to how people seem to have, as my mother would say, “lost their manners.” I was taught that if you must blow your nose to excuse yourself and go the rest room. I have been told that I am being too sensitive, but it appears to me that manners are quickly becoming a thing of the past.

            I know that I am as Southern as grits and sweet iced tea, but growing up in Southeastern North Carolina it was correct to say, “Yes ma’am” and “No ma’am.” It is also advised to use please and thank you. The punishment for not using common courtesy, while talking to adults, would have surely included a trip to the switch bush and walking with a serious limp. We also use words like y’all, used in the plural and never the singular. The phrase fixin’ to is used to say, “I am about to…” It was acceptable to use such words and phrases around home, but we were also taught to use correct grammar.  Many people from other regions of the United States, with different accents, equate a Southern accent with ignorance or an uneducated person. Southerners may never live this stereotype down, but we are some of the most polite people on the planet.

My family was serious about manners, and there were different sets of manners for each situation. It was important to know how to talk to people and to get your point across in a polite way. Knowing how to act around other people was also important. The set of rules varied with each situation. Table manners were especially important in public places or when we had company over. Mom made us practice table manners even if we didn’t have company. “No need to act like a bunch of heathens, just because we don’t have company,” Mom would say. Most table manners were basic courtesy. The rule about gross noises at the table rule is a good example of basic courtesy. The no gross noise rule should be self-explanatory. It was also considered extremely rude to talk with food in your mouth or smack your food. Knowing which fork to use or what to do with each glass has never been the most important part of table manners, but treating each other with respect is the main focus.

I am teaching my son the importance of using manners when talking to adults. This translates later in life to showing respect to authority figures and those who are older than we are. I still say, “Yes sir” to my father, unlike a friend who is from north of the Mason Dixon line who feels that it is too formal to call her mom Ma’am or her dad Sir. I feel that this shows them I respect and love them.

 My dad told me long ago, “A little courtesy will take you far in life.” An old saying I have often quoted is, “You can catch more flies with sugar than vinegar.” The point I am trying to make is we are letting our children and grandchildren down, if we don’t teach them manners. They will need manners later in life when applying for a job or trying to find a mate. The best way to teach manners is to set the example and use them ourselves.

Mr. Wilson's Store

Mr. Wilson’s Store

  Mr. Martin Wilson was a man that went to our church in the little town I grew up in. The town was so small that there were few buildings in the

Main street

area. One building that grew near to my heart was a small, outdated gas station and grocery store. The town was not big enough to support a chain grocery store, so Mr. Wilson sold most everything you would need right there  in his little store, much like the old general stores I remember reading about in western novels. Mr. Wilson sold leaded and unleaded gas, most any grocery item you might need such as bread or milk. He even sold some hardware. Mr. Wilson sold many things at his old store, but the most important things he gave away.  

 One of my best memories of childhood was standing in front of a candy counter lined with big glass containers of candy and my Dad helping me to pick out a bag full of candy to take home. Mr. Wilson’s store offered what we called nickel and dime candy much like the old stores one might read about. After picking out what I wanted we would sit down and have a Coke, out of one of those old small 6 oz Coke bottles. It was sitting in the corner that I learned what really happened in that old store and it had more to do with life than buying or selling gasoline.

    Most accounts state that Mr. Wilson opened his store in the 1950’s. From that time on the families in the small town could buy anything they needed there like any other store but Mr. Wilson offered credit to those who could not pay. It was told, after his death, that many children would have gone to bed hungry if it had not been for Mr. Wilson. Those who could pay him paid when they could.

   There was more to that store than being supplied with material things that one could buy. Mr. Wilson was a man with strong convictions and a natural love for his fellow man. He along with others from the town started the town’s first Rescue Squad to care for the sick and injured of the area. Martin Wilson and his wife Ruby were strong influences in the church and community not so much by what they said but how they lived their lives.

  I like many kids waited on the school bus under the little shed in front of the store. Mr. Wilson would tell me stories of when my mom and dad were young. He would also tell stories that were entertaining but taught a lesson. I didn’t know it then but he was teaching us about living a good life. I never asked for anything while waiting for the ride to school but it seamed that most of the time I left for school with a piece of bubble gum or a jaw breaker that he had given me.

   I have talked with people over the years about him and have never heard anyone say anything but good things. The reoccurring theme has been the way he not only talked to people about Jesus and living a good life but he was a living example of a “good man”. The Preacher that conducted the funeral service for Mr. Wilson said that he was told, “The only way you can mess up this service is to say anything bad about this man.”

  In the little store in Tar Heel North Carolina this man made an honest living for his family. He fed, clothed and educated 6 children. He sold things that families needed everyday. He provided a service that the little town needed. The important things that came out of that store were given away. He gave people a way to feed a family when they had no money. He gave us a place to wait for the bus to school out of the cold. The most important thing he gave us was a good example. 

Random thoughts and quotes

One or two of these are my thoughts and some are quotes. The quotes are random and credit is given to who said or wrote it.

Sometimes I think the stress is more than I can take, sometimes the rewards are more than my brain can comprehend. But sometimes all it takes is knowing you did what you can do as good as you can do it. -me

Some people are lighthouses, some are ships at sea. –me

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. ~Ambrose Redmoon

“Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it. Let me not look for allies in life's battlefield but to my own strength. Let me not cave in.”-Rabindranath Tagore

Lord take me where you want me to go
Let me meet who you want me to meet
tell me what you want me to say
and keep me out of your way.- Father. Mychal Judge

“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.”

Enough for now, be safe